Some PUNS for Your Day

Hope these bring a smile to your face (or maybe a grimmace!) :)

I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler.

On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this
is a telephone poll."

The man replied, "Hello. This is a street lamp."

Relief: What a tree does in the spring.

A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor.

"Is Fred home?", he asked the woman who answered the door.

"Sorry," the woman replied. "Fred's gone for cotton."

The next day, the collector tried again "Is Fred here today?" "No,
sir", she said, "I'm afraid Fred has gone for cotton."

When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is
gone for cotton again?"

"No," the woman answered solemnly, "Fred died yesterday."

Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a
Week and investigate the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there
was poor Fred's tombstone, with this inscription:

"Gone, But Not for Cotton."

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.
The Young couple found seats in the crowded stadium
and were watching the action.

A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running
onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend,
"Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our
best man next year."

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said,

"That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose
to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!"

An elephant is drinking out of a river when he spots a turtle
asleep on A log. The elephant ambles over and kicks the
unsuspecting turtle clear across the river.

"Why did you do that?" asks a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip
out of my trunk 47 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory!" says the giraffe.
"Yes," says the elephant. "Turtle recall.