Freaking Out - Part 2

Ok - now that we're past all the drama by a few days, I have a bit of perspective on it now and can share the story.

By the way - let me just say at the beginning of this. If any of you read this and happen to talk with Natalie anytime soon, please treat the whole thing with 'kid gloves' we're trying to help our girls be open with us and that requires some gentle handling of tough situations! Thanks!

This all started on Friday. Everyday Natalie brings home in her school notebook a page with a daily report on how she did in school each day. You can get a smiley (exceptional), a check mark (Satisfactory) or frowny face (not a good day.) We initial it, so the teacher knows we know what's going on, etc.

Natalie ALWAYS gets smileys. In fact, I've taken to teasing her ocassionally about wanting to see a frowny face and she always says, "No daddy, I'm only gonna get smileys."

Well, Fri, she had a checkmark. So I asked her what it was for and she didn't wanna say. So I told her that I couldn't initial her page if I don't what's going on. Finally she said that she and a boy in her class were talking while the teacher was talking. I asked her if she should be doing that and she said no. Then I asked her if she was going to do it any more and again came the reply, "no." I initialed it and we went about our day.

Fast forward to Sabbath lunch as we're eating, Doreen, asked Natalie about the checkmark and all of a sudden she kinda got defensive and didn't want to talk about it. Doreen just wanted to see if Natalie and the boy were just talking or arguing. Natalie didn't want to talk about it.

So Doreen kindly asked again and Joelle jumped in and said they were talking about... and she tapped her all her fingers on both hands together and twisted them. Doreen asked what that meant and Joelle looked at Natalie and said, 'nothing.' Both our 'parent sense' began tingling at that point and so Doreen asked Joelle again what that meant and she said nothing and was just doing it.

Well - weren't we in the middle of some high drama at that point! Oh my word.

Finally after a little more 'talking' it comes out that Natalie and a boy was kissing in school. My little kindergardener. Oh my word. But she didn't want to talk about it. So we didn't freak out, we just calmly let her know that we just need to talk a little more about it sometime before Sunday at bedtime. Whenever she wanted to talk would be fine.

Then we asked Joelle why she 'blatently' lied and we'd have to talk with her after lunch.

Boy, was that a LOT of drama around a meal or what! I felt a bit drained, especially trying NOT to freak out and just go off, which of course would do absolutely no good.
(Is this what the teenage years with two girls is going to be like - OY VAI!!!!!)

So after lunch Natalie told Doreen she wanted to talk with her. So they went back in to Natalies room to talk. Doreen didn't talk so much about the kiss, but about keeping secrets from us. Turns out that she and two different boys in her class have kissed at some point and the teacher didn't know about it and she told Joelle and a friend, Jannah, and she didn't want to any more but didn't feel right about it and didn't wanna get in trouble, etc! Doreen stressed that she could come talk with us about anything at any time and it's not good to keep secrets. Natalie understood and said she was sorry and they both cried a bit and Natalie offered Doreen a kleenex. Too cute! Then Natale said that mommy could tell daddy and her teacher about it.

During that point I was downstairs on the computer and Doreen came down and relayed all the info to me. Then Natalie came down and we all talked a bit. We tried to let her know that she doesn't need to keep secrets and if she doesn't wanna do 'stuff' anymore but doesn't know how to get out of it to use us as the 'fall guys.' (I learned that good bit of parenting from my folks. I'm willing to be the reason she doens't want to do anything - cuz her parents won't let her. Helps her save face.) Anyway as we wound our talk up we asked if she kissed the girls at school, 'No', then should you be kissing boys? "No." Hugs or shaking hands would work just fine! "Right" Who can you give and get as many kisses you want from, "Mommy, daddy, Joelle, Grandma, Grandpa, Grammie and Poppie." Exactly!!!

Wheeewww - One down, one to talk with.

We had to deal with Joelle's blatant lying. That is unacceptable!

So we talked and yes she knew and so we gave her suggestions on how to handle things differently next time. If she didn't want to tell us right then, just say so, or ask to talk privately with us or tell us you'll tell us soon. Do NOT lie to us! The chances are you'll eventually get found out and then the punishement will be worse!

My initial reaction was to not let her go to summer camp. (We've had a couple other issues with lying recently and so I was thinking this would make a HUGE impression.) It did. I told her if I can't trust what she's saying when I'm around, how can we trust her when she's away.

We then decided that was a bit too harsh, yet, so we gave her an option. Come up with your own consequences or not go roller skating next Thur with us and our SS class. Wow - that really hit home. She loves rollerskaing/blading.

Hugs, kisses, and a prayer and we kicked her loose.

Well, she'd come wandering in with a couple of lame consequences, and we'd explain why they wouldn't work and tell her to try again.

We had an event at the church, so we loaded up and headed over. They both started playing and playing with others when friends arrived. But ocassionally Joelle would wander over with an idea or say she didn't know what else to do, but she didn't want to miss rollerskating. So we'd just tell her to think about it.

The meeting concluded and she came back from child-care and went to talk with Doreen and was in tears about it. Finally I talked with her and told her that lying is really bad and if she is willig to lie to us, then we can't let her do fun things.

All the way home she was crying about it - so I told her to just let it rest until she's slept on it a night and to call me on my trip on Sunday and we'd talk. She continued to cry and fret over not coming up with something. Finally I told her to chill and say a prayer, maybe Jesus would give her a consequence idea, in the morning.

We got home and they got ready for bed, then Joelle came in with a smile on her face and said she had an idea. She could miss two nights of Narnia. (After worship we read a chapter of a book of the Chronicles of Narnia to the girls. Joelle is BIG-TIME into it!!!) I said it's a decent idea, but not enough for the seriousness of the 'crime.' She said a week and I countered with missing the entire book we're currently starting with the proviso that she NOT get up, or try to sneek in to listen or fuss or whine about it AT ALL. If she broke any of those guidelines then roller-skating is automatically gone. Missing the whole book was agreed upon.

She felt much better then told us she'd prayed to Jesus while taking her contacts out for a good idea and it came to her just as she finished.

VERY GOOD!

We did include one other hitch in her gidde-up. If she lied to us again, her week at summer camp would not available to her. AT ALL. She understood and I'm praying we made a lasting impression on her!

We did take a moment to talk with both of them and let Natalie know that by keeping a secret and telling only Joelle & friend that she put Joelle in a tough spot. We told Joelle to avoid situations like that. Of course Joelle got into trouble by willingly lying to us.

Anyway - what drama! Oy, after even thinking about it all again I'm all worked up!

NO MORE DRAMA!!!